I seem to be slowly getting into the routine of going to classes all the time, and sometimes on my days off, I actually miss going into school. It helps that I'm actually interested in a lot of my writing, and have quickly rekindled my love of praise and good grades that I used to thrive on back in middle school (when I was cripplingly shy and lived through my grades). I do have to learn to not doubt myself so much, as every time I take a test I stress out about how horribly I think I've done until I get it back, even so far as worrying that I will have to drop the class because I have failed a test worth 30% of my grade, and so far have made all A's. In my Political Science class I scored a 90 on my first test and a 98 on my second, on my Ethics exam (the one worth 30% that I was positive I had failed horribly) I scored a 93, and on my Legal Environment of Business exam (another one I thought I had done poorly on) I scored a 96, only getting two questions wrong. I had forgotten how much I love getting good grades, but also how much pressure I put on myself when I think that I might not get a good grade. As I get more and more A's I know that I will be a lot harder on myself for getting a B, which is a perfectly acceptable grade, but I can feel that perfectionist in me trying to rear it's ugly head and crave those "Excellent!" exclamations on all my papers. Oh professor praise, you are like a drug to me. Case in point, I have a paper due tomorrow for Political Science that I have not only been working on for a week (in high school I would always wait last minute to do all my papers, skating by on the fact that I knew how to write while most people didn't), but have also revised it about ten times, if not more. All my confidence lies in being a decent writer, not even a good writer, just a decent one, and if I get a poor score on this paper, after putting in so much work, I will definitely be let down. It doesn't help that I have writer's block when it comes to my other paper, due on October 11th for my Intro To Law class, the class my favorite professor teaches, and therefore the class that I will always put in the most work, because I want nice, funny professors to like me even more than all the others.
At least the problems I was most worried about - my laziness, lack of motivation, and the general fear that years out of a school setting (and some ample drug abuse) depleted my brain muscle - aren't coming into play too much anymore, unfortunately I forgot that if you put me into classes that I love, I turn into a Type A perfectionist, neat freak, PLEASE GIVE ME AN A AND TELL ME I'M SMART, kind of crazy person...