I have been experiencing another bout of chronic headaches - tonight is going on six days nonstop. This has been happening more frequently, with my last nonstop headache in August/September and lasting for more than a month. At times it's unbearable, making it impossible for me to do much of anything except lay in the dark. I had to call out of work on Friday because I couldn't get out of bed, and I knew that not only would I not be able to work, especially with a band playing, but I wouldn't be able to drive to Middletown to get there. When my headache is at it's worst, my vision can get really blurry, and I have to close my eyes for short periods of time.
Finally, today, after a weekend of tears and frustration, I called a doctor. Since I'm going to the community health center, which has a sliding scale fee, I'm hoping the visit will be relatively cheap, but even if it's not, I have to go. My appointment is for Thursday at 3:00 and I'm hoping that Paul can come with me. I can't live like this anymore. I rewrote the list of symptoms I've been keeping track of for a few months now, and added some detail for the doctor, and just my everyday symptoms are 3/4 of a page long. I don't know what is wrong with me (my suspicion is along the lines of Fibromyalgia - something I have all the symptoms of) but I want to find out and I want to have a plan of action of how to relieve me pain. I'm only 24 and the older I get the worse the symptoms get, and while I don't want to say I have a disability, I am certainly disabled to do many everyday things. A simple task of going to the store to do an errand depletes me of my energy. Going to the mall weakens me to the point of nausea. While I do have "good" days, where I have energy to do some things, my bad days I can hardly get out of bed. A simple touch burns my skin. At my worst I don't even have energy to read a book. I can't watch television because the flashes of color hurts my eyes. I end up sitting in bed, just staring at my hands. I don't want to live like this, if you can even call it living. I want to be able to travel, work, go hiking, go to the beach, go to concerts (the last concert I went to I had to leave early), hang out with friends. Because of my symptoms I've had to switch jobs, call out of work, cancel plans, and almost drop out of high school. I need someone to take me seriously and look past my age, and my history of depression, and stop writing it off as mental. There is no doubt that I have mental health issues, but I have also learned how to cope with my bouts of depression and mental illness, and I have been able to control them quite well these past few years. I know what depression feels like. I know what anxiety feels like. And while I know that those things exacerbate my symptoms, I honestly do not believe that that's what causes them. In fact, usually my most severe depression (for example, this past week) is spurred by my physical ailments, not the other way around. I really, truly hope that the doctor takes me seriously. I'm not expecting some magical, instant cure, but I want some place to start. I need to know what I'm battling so I know what weapons to use.